Tale of Mommy Hibernation

You’re Pregnant?  Congratulations!  I’ll call you in 15 years.

Many of my friends went into Mommy Hibernation when the first Baby was born.  This is the reality that your entire life is now focused on feeding schedules, naptime, and poop.  This phase can last a few years, or in rare cases it can be permanent going from helicopter Mommy to helicopter Granny.Baby feet

2015-12-24 16.49.42At first, it was really emotionally hard to lose my friends.  I did not realize it was a hibernation, I thought it was permanent!  I tried to stay connected, making the effort.  I endured horrific Baby showers, Smash cake for 1 year olds, and overall lack of topics for conversation.  I tried to look interested in the latest diaper genie and poop disposal systems, but it was obviously not a topic that I could contribute to.  I enjoyed shopping for pretty dresses and cute tee shirts, but it is hard to feel engaged over a few outfits.  Every time I was shown Baby pictures, I eagerly whipped out cute photos of my Dog, apparently it is not the same.So, I spent time with my non-Mom friends.  I continued to travel, girls’ trips, spa getaways, festivals, and more non-Mom events.  And slowly, more and more Friends joined the Mom squad, and my circle shrank.

The last few years some of my friends have started to emerge from their hibernation.  They want to meet up for a glass of wine after work.  We go out for brunch!  It takes some time to get over being groggy after such a long hibernation, so it takes a slight adjustment period to remember the life before children.

Fortunately, my friends started families all at different ages, and I am able to reconnect with dear friends around the time the youngest child hits 15 years old.  That seems to be my sweet spot!  As soon as I know that magic 15th Birthday is approaching, I swoop in to pick up where we left off.

I have learned patience.  Now I know that I have not lost you forever, just a few (or more) years, and you are worth the wait!

9 thoughts on “Tale of Mommy Hibernation”

  1. I’m also on the other side of the issue. I have more non-mom friends than mom friends, and I’ve really tried to make sure they know how much I appreciate their patience and flexibility while I deal with this new phase in my life. It’s getting easier to meet up, and I feel like I too am “coming out of hibernation”. I feels so lucky to have so many friends who where willing to be so accommodating. I’m sure you’re mom friends feel the same!

  2. Ya, it can definitely be a mutual issue. As people have kidlets and get married, they evolve, their life starts to center around different things than it once did. It’s kind of the same after high school or college. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll find your way back together.

  3. You had me at the opening line! LOL!! I can totally relate on the dog thing. People want to know all the time how I can be so happy for them being pregnant, attend showers, pick out baby clothes, and not want my own kids. (My 12 & 14 year old stepkids are enough for me!) I just have a feeling that I’m shortly going to loose a bunch of friends in the coming years to the hibernation.

  4. Can so relate! Suddenly everyone is sttarting families, moving into houses and ‘going all serious’. Staying in touch has become so hard and require constant effort on my side but I know that once we do manage to meet up again, we will have a lot to share and reconnect over. I like how you label it a hibernation so that friendships are not written off, just paused for a while to sort each others’ lives out. Great read!

    1. Thanks! This was tough for years, I thought these friends were gone forever. I am so glad to have these great friends more in my life (they never left, just hibernating).

  5. I’m on the other side of the equation. We have 17-month old toddler who we adore but we’ve noticed how friends retreated into the woodwork. Only 14 or so years to go I guess.

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